Thursday, December 3, 2009

A lack of imagination!

I was recently reading in a magazine about a famous playwright, Oscar Wilde, and there was a quote that prompted immediate thought, " anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.". That is true on so many levels. The obvious one; debt! Those of us (myself included) who over indulge on the "extravagant" things in life such as fine food, liquors, clothing, cars, fancy apartments, etc, are using our imaginations to make ourselves happy by spending soooooo much money on material items. Typical American stereotype that more and bigger is better. I like to say that the finer things in life are worth fighting for!

However, besides the obvious, this quote made me think of my art and my passion. Plain and simply put, if one settles for what they see as their limit and doesn't examine the endless possibilities of their talent, gifts and abilities, then they are ultimately unimaginative! To me, settling is staying within your "means", allowing yourself to become comfortable in your work and in this case, art. We all have the ability to work for more and to continue to our full potential. It all just takes more imagination....

In any case, however you interpret this, I urge us all to be indulgent and imaginative people!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


This one's a bit morbid and might come across as self righteous, contradictory and contriversial, among other things...

I had a thought today, something that I've been pondering for a long while... What if there was no afterlife? I mean, the thought of heaven and hell and even the unknown is wonderful. This hope that someday when we pass on we go to someplace other-worldly, pearly gates, flames, reincarnation as an animal even. But what if when we die we are erased? Nothing but the flesh and bones we "wear" today is left for others to mourn and remember among the impressions we have made while we're alive. What if our present hopes that someone we have loved or love will die and live forever in some eternal bliss is all a sham. I mean, we can't judge what is to happen to one once they pass, but from my semi morbid mind, what if it is a disappearing act.

What if our thoughts of this "afterlife" is a coping mechanism for our insecurities about the way we live our lives, the decisions we make and the impending outcome of a "sinfull" life? One can only hope for something beautiful, something to occupy our minds... But one should ponder the what if... What is after we die we no longer existed... ?

Personal I hope for the what if (right now in my life). The what if serves just as well as the hope! But then again, hope is in an essence a "what if?".

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, November 29, 2009


First off, I've been extremely neglegent with my blogging for many reasons, but the one that sums it up the easiest is I've just been soooo busy! Between rehearsing at Ballet Memphis, teaching and choreographing at House Of Talent, and just hanging out with my amazing friends, life has just been a whirlwind lately. But thanks to the amazing genius that is apple iPhone, I can now be a little bit more focused on my blogging and my public who needs me...

The holidays are here. And I'm so excited! Thanksgiving was an amazing day. A bunch of us cooked and drank and shared some stories and played games and shared our own family traditions with eachother, which is what that hiday is all about! I stayed at the peabody hotel on Friday night and had a relaxing night away from mg apartment 4 minutes away. There's something about living in the lap of luxury for 24 hours that rejuvinates the soul. I left yesterday morning feeling relaxed and at ease. Then last night I went out... I definitely have some thinking to do and reevaluating my life and current social situation are major part of that. My priorities are clear, but I feel that they don't come across in all aspects of my life... Major work in progress, but I'm getting closer to a breakthrough! I hope of happens soon, because my mental sanity is nearing nonexistant!

Busy week ahead, who knows what is in store for me...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

DC sleeps alone tonight....

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. I'm not really doing much at work these days so it gives me way to much time to focus on things that don't need to be brought up in my head for the sake of my mental sanity. I've got one of those addictive personalities. I can fixate on things for, well... way to long. Without mentioning my current fixation(s), I will have to say that I find comfort in music. Like clockwork, I always gravitate towards "my songs". Anyone who has ever driven with me or has heard me screaming a song at the top of my lungs pretty much knows my internal playlist. Songs that reflect my current mood. Songs like Fast Cars, Through the Fire, The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (Oh, Meredith), and most recently Save the Best for Last and Battlefield. It's habitual for me to dwell on current and PAST circumstances by listening to these thought provoking tunes... My anti-drug is music. Also, I haven't had a drink since friday night and I'm kinda getting antsy... Alcoholic? Watch out Betty Ford!

The district sleeps alone tonight
After the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving
Into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving

Sunday, August 30, 2009

This season on "Kendall's Cuckoo Nest"

It's been a while since I actually had the motivation to blog, despite my constant inspiration. I'm so glad August is coming to an end. It's been full of a clusterfuck of emotional highs and core of the earth lows (not to be dramatic at all). I've been, well... floating I guess. Everything has been sort of like watching an entire season of a tv show all in one day, when you get those crazy series of events and you say to yourself, that would never happen, well it did. I sometimes look at my life in retrospect like its a bit of a reality show, it makes it more fun. This season on "Kendall's Cuckoo Nest..." sorta thing.

I was talking to my best guy friend Travis and he pointed out something to me... If you know anything about my previous "relationships" or lack there of, you'll understand. I'm one of those extremely sentimental people, especially when it comes to dating. Everything in someway is special to me. So in my last "relationship" (we'll use that word just because it's easier, even tough technically i've never really had one), I experienced a lot of firsts. Feelings i'd never felt before and just a ton of things that were so out of the box for me. I was, I guess heartbroken for the first time, several times, and was/am pretty confused. I've run out of rationalizations which is probably a good thing, because now I'm reaching this stage of contentment. I'm content with my self and the way him and I have become friends and the way my friends still listen to my rants. Honestly I could right a lot more about that, but really "dude" shut up, RIGHT?!?!

Besides that I'm so optomistic to see how the next season of "Kendall's Cuckoo Nest" pans out. It's started a couple of weeks ago when I was photograped for Memphis' Top 20 Untapped Artists feature for Mempis Crossroads Magazine, go me!!!! It's bound to be eventful and blog worthy. In the meantime, Jordin Sparks and my 80's jams are the soundtrack to my life/show.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Ugly Duckling?

So, I'm home in NYC, my favorite place on the earth. The place where my life began, where I discovered fashion, good food, music, ballet, and the true essence of life in my opinion. I think what always stops me from coming home is staying at home. Staying with my family is always a battle that always leaves me feeling like the bad guy. I feel like since I moved away from home at 17, I've become such a different person than the people whom raised me. Being exposed to life on your own at 17 of course does condition you differently than living in one place for your whole life. And by one place, I mean one world. I've been so many places and met so many different people and I've discover who I am in so many of those things. I'm very proud of everything I've accomplished and everything decision I've made in the past five years. It's just so bittersweet, the comfort of being "home" and the feeling of being a stranger.

On Saturday night, about 18 hours after I finished my 21 hour drive to NYC from Memphis, I decided to take my brother and his female friend down to Williamsburg, BK. I had an amazing time being around real people. People who speak different languages and come from different walks of life, all coexisting on the streets of NYC. It was fabulous.

Sunday I met some friends down in the East Villiage for a beer and then headed up to Times Square to meet some other friends and ultimately ended up in gay heaven, aka Chelsea. I had such a good time and made a really great breakthrough... I don't have to be heavily intoxicated in NYC to have fun, only in Memphis!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Time to say goodbye????

When does one finally realize and accept the fact that it's time to say goodbye?  After a couple of months of seeing one person, the first person that I've been this mutually close to ever in my life, intimate with, someone who I've shared my fears and joy with, someone who doesn't feel the same natural incline to progress pass where we've arrived in our relationship, I know what needs to be done.  My fear of hurting is the thing stopping me from the inevitable heartache that accompanies any "goodbye".  Slightly redundant, but I think it makes sense.